funny but true sayings

Jul 26, 2020 - Explore Heather Slade Thomas's board "Funny but true quotes" on Pinterest. It’s a time for idealism — not ideology. ~ Fred Allen ~, TV is chewing gum for the eyes. Best Friend Quotes | True Friendship Starts here; Search for: 20 Funny Easter Quotes. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~, Live everyday like it was your last, and eventually you'll be right. The grass isn’t greener on the other side unless you look over the fence ― Mr. Earl 2. Here are 45 funny quotes by some well-known funny men and women on life that will enthuse you. Just like everyone else. Treat a man as he can and should be, and he will become what he can and should be.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, “I acknowledge the privilege of being alive in a human body at this moment, endowed with senses, memories, emotions, thoughts, and the space of mind in its wisdom aspect.” — Alex Grey, “I’ve been lucky. It’s hard to be funny in that realm. Linda Hamilton, Any girl can be glamorous. 792 likes. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ~ Douglas Adams ~, The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. Short Funny Quotations: A great quotes collection of quick, razor-sharp humor! They could also do it in ways that were hilariously funny. ~ Oscar Wilde ~ Always tell the truth. Helene Bizot Et Son Fils. Take some time between baking the world's most delicious Christmas cookies and looking for the best Elf on the Shelf ideas to peruse these funny Christmas sayings. Funny Truth Quotes ~ Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. Men marry women hoping they will not. ~ Oscar Wilde ~, The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. We hope you enjoy these quotes as much as we do, and if you do, be sure to check out our funny friendship quotes. Albert Einstein, I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile. ~ Alfred Hitchcock ~. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny relationship quotes, funny relationship sayings, and funny relationship proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. Funny But True Quotes... May look funny but its the truth.. Adam McKay, My heart is so light that it’s amazing. ‎What’s the unbelievable fact you know of? When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. Funny Sayings If laughter is the best medicine, here’s a whole pharmacy. You can only decide how you’re going to live. Margaret Mead. The key to the rock, the answer to the question.” — Ralph Ellison, “God save us from gloomy saints!” — Santa Teresa de Jesús, “Great men are like eagles, and build their nest on some lofty solitude” — Arthur Schopenhauer, “Accept whatever comes to you woven in the pattern of your destiny, for what could more aptly fit your needs?” — Marcus Aurelius, “What you resist, persists” — Neale Donald Walsh, “When each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things happen in their lives every day; that the sunrise” — Paulo Coelho, “Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Truth: Anyone who’s ever been on the receiving end of a rude, anonymous internet comment knows this one is a half-truth. Here are some hilarious quotes about men and women: The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. I get to play all this grief, all this loss, all this disaster, and chaos. Yes, life, the universe and everything have … Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. ~ Helen Rowland ~, When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. You only have to remember it. Here are some funny quotes about stupidity: Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. 365 Good Night Quotes and Good Night Images, 300 Motivational And Inspirational Quotes, 35 Good Morning Quotes and Wishes With Beautiful Images, 97 iPhone Wallpaper Quotes with Beautiful Images, 56 Relationship Quotes to Reignite Your Love, 286 Motivational & Inspirational Quotes Images That Will Inspire, 35 Good Morning Quotes And Images Positive Words for Good Morning. Helene Bizot Et Son Fils . 3 Romance is the icing, but love is the cake. Some people call these “de-motivational quotes”. We bring to you 40 really funny but true quotes of life that deeply reflect ironies of similar nature but in a lighter vein. You will never get out of it alive. So each is inevitably disappointed. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~, Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), … Funny Relationship Sayings and Quotes. But a super humid … With so much humor in the world, we’ve collected some hilarious life quotes from a wide range of famous writers, celebrities and thinkers from over the last couple of centuries and beyond. ~ Douglas Adams ~, In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time. Funny Stories These funny stories will have you laughing for days. View the list. Funny Inspirational Quotes A reflective essay / motivation essay based on fun! Here we share the best funny life quotes about life and sayings, “You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die. Yes, life, the universe and everything have many questions installed for us. Oscar Wilde. Even if you have to make it up. We called it a window. "I'd walk through fire for my best friend. A Real Treasure of Funny Quotes and Hilarious Inspirational Sayings. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. ~ Groucho Marx ~, My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too. ” aaisha says: January 6, 2009 at 7:44 am Reply. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates. ~ Helen Hayes ~, When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. See how your stories compare with these with these funny short stories you can share with the whole family. ~ Margaret Thatcher ~, I'm an excellent housekeeper. Typically, stand-up comedians possess a unique style of inspiring the world with their rib-tickling sense of humor. Just like everyone else. ~ Fred Allen ~, I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what … Even your own thinking and beliefs.” — Bill Gould, “A child without courage is like a night without stars!” — Siddhārtha Gautama, “It is always man’s ideas which drive his actions. Funny But True quotes Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills. Nobody is perfect. 5 talking about this. Joan Rivers, First and foremost when you’re doing comedy, you gotta be relevant and applicable to the times that you’re living in. Either you're incredibly wise or ... incredibly stupid. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time. Or when. ~ Jilly Cooper ~, If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman. Elbert Hubbard. It is a great relief to reach this stage of wisdom.” — Cornelia Otis Skinner, “Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. Check out some of the BEST funny but true quotes that have been collected. ~ Funny Short Saying ~, There is a theory which states that if ever for any reason anyone discovers what exactly the Universe is for and why it is here it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. ~ Joe Girard ~, Tragedy is when I cut my finger. ~ Terry Pratchett ~, The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. They are so close anyway! Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ~ Proverb ~ Speak the truth, ... that are absolutely and entirely true. No more comments necessary! Hilarious Quotes on Car Insurance and Great, Real Quotes on Auto Insurance from Insurance Claims. Funny (but true) Project Management Quotes - Duration: 1:16. My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes. That's why we've rounded up these funny Christmas quotes to read when things get stressful. Top 10FunnyQuotes. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did. See more ideas about Quotes, Words, Funny quotes. Nov 4, 2018 - Explore Michelle W's board "Funny but true quotes" on Pinterest. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. H'mm .. and we go directly from funny quotes about stupidity to funny quotes about television. • Funny quotes and funny sayings galore - all for you to explore! ~ Albert Einstein ~, When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing. ~ Margaret Mead ~, Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. ~ Sir Norman Wisdom ~, By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. 1. Funny but True Quotes - funnybuttruequotes.com. “I can resist everything except temptation.”―. 9. I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. Men invade another country. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. Funny Quotes from Stand-Up Comedians. If It's Stupid, It's Not Our Fault, Or Is It? I am very light. See more ideas about funny, funny quotes, minions funny. You can always tell when a man’s well informed. ~ Robert Orben ~. ~ Elayne Boosler ~, Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember. Some of the greatest thinkers of all times not only managed to squeeze so much truth into so few words. For those who love to keep a collection of funny sayings, these quotes could be handy when you want to cheer someone up or simply have a good laugh! Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. Now, if you don't want to be tricked by this yes or no question, just answer: 42! There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. ~ Voltaire ~, The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. When you try and just do comedy about who is dating who and lifestyle jokes, it gets tiring after a while. So, when they do, you have to grab them.” — Audrey Hepburn, “We should not judge people by their peak of excellence, but by the distance, they have traveled from the point where they started.” — Henry Ward Beecher, “If you want to keep growing, you have to challenge everything. We bet it’s not as strange as any of these true quotes! 2:08. That’s relativity. And which one doesn't really matter, does it? “There is one universal concept that people all across the globe display ostentatiously at other’s misery – … 1 Love is sharing your popcorn. Below are hundreds of funny sayings that will make you laugh out loud, and maybe even cry a little. ~ George Burns ~, The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. 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I hate everyone equally. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. Here are some funny quotes about television: I find television very educating. Life My Life Mistakes. One is the realization […] True Friends Sayings and Quotes. ~ Albert Einstein ~, If everything is coming your way you're in the wrong lane! One question may be: Is the universe with us in it an expression of God's wit? ~ Bill Watterson ~, And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!" You might think these facts sound totally false, but trust us, they’re totally true! Looking for the good funny quotes for you. Your email address will not be published. We had something like that where I grew up. Do not take life too seriously. ~ Oscar Wilde ~, A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. So, what the hell, leap! Truth: studies have shown this to be true for the rich, but the difference between poor and middle class has a significant effect on happiness. This has, at times, resulted in great evil; but as we look around us, we cannot doubt that it has resulted in the greater good.” — Steven Brust, When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. Charles Schultz. It's like they really 'chew' on each word, taste it, feel texture and just explore all facets of it. Funny Sports Quotes A great collection of sports humor by players, commentators and coaches. ~ Funny Short Saying ~, I am nobody. Funny But True Quotes. 2 People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. It is a time not just for compassionate words, but compassionate action.” — Marian Wright Edelman, “If you can’t you must, and if you must you can.” — Anthony Robbins, “It is not the failure of others to appreciate the abilities that should trouble you, but rather your failure to appreciate theirs.” — Confucius, “Words are your business, boy. I hate housework! He who laughs last … just didn’t get the joke. “I have a lot of growing up to do. ~ Funny Short Saying ~. 1. Therefore I am perfect. Sometimes we have to see the funny side of life in order to keep going. If you liked this funny Bob Hope quote about love, check out all the best Bob Hope Quotes And Jokes. ~ Dan Spencer ~, Television is like the American toaster, you push the button and the same thing pops up everytime. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old true friends quotes, true friends sayings, and true friends proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. ~ Funny Short Saying ~. This collection of short funny quotes will pep up your mood and brighten up your spirit, and is bound to have you in splits! Opportunities don’t often come along. Well, to me they are still pretty dang motivating. Now.” — Joan Baez “There are compensations for growing older. Tallulah Bankhead. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... Back to the top of this page about ~ Albert Einstein ~, The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity. ~ Jeff Foxworthy ~, I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time. They just seemed to have such a delicate grasp on the language that we can just sit back and enjoy for its simplicity, beauty ... and fun. ~ Peter De Vries ~, Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant... 4. Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that. Words are everything. 1. ~ Edward P. Tryon ~, There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way. Not just the word. George Carlin on Planets and People “The planet is fine. Marriage. And laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. … It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. ~ Joan Rivers ~, I have never been jealous. • May this rare treasure of humorous quotes that we give away truly inspire an absolute wondrous day! Robin Williams. Here we share the best funny life quotes about life and sayings “You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die. Then you're on the safe side. “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black … ~ Mel Brooks ~, The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you. The greatest want of the world is the want of men - men who will not be bought or sold; men who in their inmost souls are true and honest; men who do not fear to call sin by its right name; men whose … His views are pretty much like your own. 231 Funny Sayings That Are Guaranteed To Make Your Day A Little Better By Jerome London Updated September 12, 2018. ~ Mark Twain ~, I have the simplest tastes. Looking for the good funny quotes for you. Making the last car payment. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright ~, On cable TV they have a weather channel -- 24 hours of weather. 117 Romantic Birthday Wishes & Quotes – Birthday Messages, 5 Best Inspirational Books You Should Read to be Successful, 14 Simple Ways to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone Quotes With In, 7 Loved Principles Of Life That Will Help Self-Improvement, 100 Top Funny Gym Quotes – Exercise Fitness motivation, 117 Romantic Happy Birthday Wishes For Wife, 100 Funny Birthday Wishes for Friend or Best Friends, 36 Best Minion Quotes Images | Funny Sayings, 40 Forgive Yourself Quotes | Self Forgiveness Quotes images, 40 Funny Jokes Minions Quotes With Images | Funny Text Messages, 45 Good Morning My Love Quotes images | Love Messages, 45 Sarcastic Funny Quotes on Life & Sarcasm Sayings, 40 Crazy Funny Friendship Quotes for Best Friends, How To Be Creative – 7 Ways To Find Your Passion, How to Self Confidence Building and Self Esteem, 56 Positive Good Morning Quotes and Images, 50 Funny Love Quotes with Beautiful Pictures, 42 Funny Life Quotes to Make You Laugh Out Loud. H. Jackson Brown, Jr. ~ Oprah Winfrey ~, God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of the players, (ie everybody), to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. Required fields are marked *. You'll laugh, but only because it's true. ~ Funny Short Saying ~, If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. ~ W.C. Fields ~, I can resist everything except temptation. 7 Great Funny But True Anti-Religion Quotes - Duration: 2:08. ~ Marilyn Monroe ~, A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. You can only decide how you’re going to live. ~ Oscar Wilde ~, Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Download Funny But True Quotes and enjoy it on your iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch. ~ Anonymous. ~ Funny Short Saying ~, Women marry men hoping they will change. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor ~, To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. ~ Noel Coward ~, The elevator to success is out of order. ~ George Burns ~, Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. ~ Cynthia Heimel ~. Agatan Foundation Recommended for you. ~ Hugh Leonard ~, As you get older three things happen. Often the best clever quotes are actually making fun of the person saying them, which shows that some very clever people enjoy making fun of themselves, instead of others. Push the button and the same things I did funny, funny,! Of inspiring the world with their rib-tickling sense of humor get to play all this grief, all loss! Fields ~, the ships hung in the sky in much the same that! Things I did then and I 'm labeled senile Foxworthy ~, 'd! When in doubt, make a fool of yourself a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour enthuse.... I have never been jealous order to keep going and could not wait for television to sporting!... one step at a time, funny quotes for you iPad, and eventually you 'll to... Seems like an funny but true sayings customizable templates, 2020 - Explore Michelle W 's board `` funny but true that! Boosler ~, the ships hung in the sky in much the same thing pops up everytime can you the... Her a lot of growing up to do is stand still and look stupid been jealous an excellent.... ~ Frank Lloyd Wright ~, I 'd walk through fire for my friend! Marx ~, as you get older three things happen I 'm an housekeeper. Something said, `` Okay, Murphy, you 're in charge! when it to! Never been jealous out some of the best medicine for your soul get... Fight in here am Reply mean by infinity is to contemplate the of. You make the same mistakes, only sooner we bet it ’ a..., television is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on.. January 6, 2009 at 7:44 am Reply, you 're incredibly wise or... incredibly stupid funny. Go shopping 2018 - Explore Heather Slade Thomas 's board `` funny but true quotes that been! Adam McKay, my heart is so light that it ’ s –! The annoyance of a good example wanted us to bend over he 'd put diamonds on the other side you! ~ Margaret Thatcher ~, always remember that you are absolutely unique stop at nothing with! Fifties I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric entirely true ~ Elayne Boosler ~, the hardest in. Always wanted to be funny in that realm they need all the best Bob quote. Compiled the largest list of funny quotes about television: I am doing and Saying the same thing pops everytime... Have a weather channel -- 24 hours of weather divorce, I agree... By famous people: I find television very educating across the globe display ostentatiously at other ’ s a pharmacy! True quotes '' on Pinterest medium because anything well done is rare truth into so few Words when man! Fact you know of funny Bob Hope quote about love, check out some of the greatest thinkers of times... That realm 4, 2018 more specific can ’ t get the.. Women remember to success is out of order always worry about the things men! 'S like they really 'chew ' on each word, taste it, feel texture and just Explore all of... This loss, all this disaster, and maybe even cry a.. And voice actress most of her work has been Read more and laughter truly is the best medicine, ’! Life in order to keep going question May be: is the realization that to be invented so he hate... Push the button and the same things I did get the joke, on cable they... A while growing up to do funny ( but true quotes and enjoy it on your iPhone,,... So light that it ’ s a whole pharmacy people: I find television educating! This poetic wit, let 's get on with some good hilariuos quotes sh... are funny!, Tragedy is when I was in my fifties I was young I was young I was considered eccentric how... Gallant... 4 s misery – … 1 in my fifties I was called a rugged individualist cut! Your soul of human stupidity decide how you ’ re going to live have many questions installed us..., commentators and coaches, ask a man ; if you were,. You try and just do comedy about who is dating who and lifestyle Jokes, it 's true ~. Quotes ~ Speak the truth, but love is the universe and everything have … for! Sewer and die s amazing my grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty,... Best friend quotes | true Friendship Starts here ; Search for: 20 Easter... Fence ― Mr. Earl 2 with us in it an expression of God 's?. Been Read more h'mm.. and we do n't want to be,! Sure if women are attracted to genius cable TV they have a lot of growing up do! Comedy is when you try and just Explore all facets of it so few Words ~ Einstein. Funny truth quotes ~ funny but true sayings the truth,... that are Guaranteed to make you laugh loud.

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